Sex is essentially gone from the relationship. See if you relate to any of these. Connect with Margaret on Facebook. For more by Margaret Paul, Ph. To get something To share love, passion, warmth and connection Sex to Get Something If you are in a relationship where you want sex and your partner doesn't, think for a moment about WHY you want or need to have sex. One partner may be more upset about this than the other. Your neediness is likely not attractive to your partner, nor erotic for your partner. This frequently occurs in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Feel powerful and in control.
I need to have sex to: Feel connected with my partner. Now she is gone. After a long marriage with regular sex, he comes home to discover that his wife has left. Invariably, as I've explored with one or both partners, I've discovered that the main underlying cause of many of these scenarios has to do with WHY one of the partners wants to have sex. For more by Margaret Paul, Ph. The way out is to learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings of worth, safety and lovability, and for filling yourself up with love from a spiritual source. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. Is there a control-compliance system, with one person demanding and the other complying? I've been counseling individuals and couples for many years. The partner states that he or she feels used, and is no longer willing to tolerate this. There are two basic reasons that people want to have sex: The other partner is angry and hurt by this. See if you relate to any of these. Your neediness is likely not attractive to your partner, nor erotic for your partner. One partner may be more upset about this than the other. While his wife complied, he knew that she felt emotionally disconnected from him and needed to grit her teeth to have sex with him. To get something To share love, passion, warmth and connection Sex to Get Something If you are in a relationship where you want sex and your partner doesn't, think for a moment about WHY you want or need to have sex. When you approach your partner from a place of wanting to get something, you are coming from a needy state. This system often leads to a lack of aliveness in the relationship. In order to have love and connection to share, you have to already be connected with yourself and feel filled with love. Looking back, he realizes that she tried to express this to him and he had refused to listen. Any of these systems may be bypassing the true sharing of love and joy that sexuality between loving, caring partners offers. Sex is still a big part of the relationship, but one partner states that he or she is giving themselves up to have sex, and is very unhappy about the situation. Orgasm is non-existent or very rare. Feel powerful and in control.
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